The Invisible Porcupine: The Protection That Limits Your Life By Dr. Lisa Cooney

How often do you get prickly when someone comes towards you?

I call it being the “invisible porcupine” and know this pattern very well myself.

You know where these quills come from? Your past abuse. Once upon a time the world wasn’t safe for you, so you created these quills as your best attempt to protect yourself.

But how much are you uninviting into your life now with these quills?

Just like you hoped the quills would keep your abuser away, they now keep love, money, clients and all else at a “safe” distance. These quills block you from receiving the life you desire because it feels dangerous to receive.

For me receiving meant receiving judgment. Receiving meant doing what my mom said so she wouldn’t beat me. Receiving meant living with a desperate desire to get nurturance and love which I never got except in the form of money and objects. Receiving meant doing things I didn’t want to do, but was forced to.

What does receiving mean to you?

What stories have you told yourself about receiving that have you keeping the quills up, armed and ready to defend?

Just like the “quills” of the invisible porcupine point outwards and keep everything in life (love, money, clients, etc.) at a “safe” distance, they also point inward and keep you from coming forward into your own life.

At some point, perhaps a long time ago, you learned it wasn’t “safe” to come forward. In your attempt to escape your abuse, you may have disconnected or dissociated. You may have told someone about your abuse, and they didn’t believe you and made you wrong. Either way, you went away from yourself to try to keep yourself safe, to try and avoid the pain of the abuse and unkindness. So you keep poking yourself with your own quills in the form of judgments and stories that it’s not safe to be seen or heard.

Do you know what the most painful thing about all of this is?

You’re living your own life at a “safe” distance from yourself and never fully receiving the beauty and potency of YOU.

I invite you to consider:

How are you living your life at a safe distance from yourself?

What are the biggest judgments you have of yourself that keep you living a limited version of yourself?

What stories have you told yourself about what it means to be seen or heard that keep you invisible and silent?

Becoming aware of the stories you have about all of this is the first step towards ridding yourself of the porcupine quills. Your awareness serves like a flashlight by illuminating the way you’re viewing everything through a distorted lens.

These old ways of seeing and viewing the world are deeply ingrained. I’ll be honest with you: it requires commitment, courage, and many times, professional support, to change these stories.

Yet I’ll also tell you that it is possible to change these stories! It is very possible to move beyond past abuse and all the ways it’s kept you limited. There is a way of living beyond abuse that I call Radical Aliveness. It’s not just a pipedream: it’s for real.

It’s a way of living without the quills, so you are able to come forward into your own life and receive everything you desire. You discover receiving is pleasurable. You discover the strength of your vulnerability. Rather than getting prickly when someone comes towards you, you turn and open to them, with curiosity.

You no longer need to suffer in silence or struggle with being an invisible porcupine. When you become aware of how your current issues are rooted in your past abuse, you’re taking the first step towards moving beyond abuse.